Longing
Men Are
Old Barn
Mary Oliver
Corporations Religions
For the most part, we create organizations for what we think are positive reasons. Then we give them great power.
Mission Accomplished
I wrote this poem several years ago after listening to a powerful presentation at a health fair in a First Nations community close to where we live. The next day I flew into Toronto and took the new express line downtown to Union Station.
Sleep
As happens to me sometimes, I woke up the other night and couldn’t fall asleep. I remembered years ago, during a particularly challenging time in my life, I woke up in despair and because I couldn’t think of anything else to do, began to physically caress and hold my head. The other night, as it […]
“Got” Cancer
It is an astonishing understatement to say that dealing with cancer is difficult. Difficult to describe. Difficult to talk with others. It was difficult enough for me twelve years ago. And it remains difficult when I learn that someone else has to deal with the language concerning this abominable disease. Perhaps because I write poetry, […]
Bullying
I didn’t understand bullying when I was a boy and I do not understand it today. Why do we bully? Is there anything positive about bullying? Is it connected to fascism, to abuse? Is bullying by males any different than bullying by females? Young men are full of power and danger that needs to be […]
Joyful Yearning
Over the last year or so, I have been deeply concerned about the anger and hatred and fear and cruelty that seems to be more evident in our world than at any time in my life. Perhaps that is why I am now accepting my yearning for god. Perhaps it began when I was diagnosed […]
Abandoned
It is a difficult time, in western society, for boys to grow into men. Until the industrial revolution, boys were held in the community and the community jointly helped them become men. Most societies provided rituals that marked the end of boyhood and the entry into manhood. In these times, everything is new. There are […]
Grief
My brother spoke to me of his grief on the loss of his wife and asked if I could use his words to write a poem. I was honoured to be asked.
Concepts of god
Got Cancer
In this poem I tackle one of the words about cancer I really do not like. Doing so has given me some relief. Something I can tackle. I wrote this after I learned that someone close had been diagnosed with cancer. Please send any thoughts you may have about words and cancer.
The Buddha Thinks
When my friend started giving me books about Buddhism, I became irritated. Building on past experience, I knew that there was something there for me to learn. The stronger my irritation the more valuable the lessons were. Writings by Pema Chodrun were especially helpful.
What to do with fear?
When we are facing the possibility of our death or the loss of someone we love, what can we do? Fear is a useful emotion – it tells us to protect ourselves, to take action. But if our actions may not help, what do we do? Fear, sitting in my chest can overwhelm me. I […]
The Road
I am grateful
Again
Several years ago, when I was forced to retire, a friend reached out to me with this poem. I sort of knew then that huge life challenges give us a chance to grow – to learn – to become closer to our souls, more powerful, happier, wiser… It turned out to be true then, and […]
Coyote
I just finished today a wonderful book by authors Jim Horton and Don Bowak called Marking Life Stages which describes how New Zealanders offer opportunities for their young people to engage in safe and secure rituals that assist them in their transition from being children to being adults. They describe a thoughtful and intentional process […]
Copying My Dad
I remember thinking my Dad was being uncharacteristically dramatic when, after buying a new Ford Crown Victoria in 1981, he said it would be the last car he would ever buy. Now that I am the same age as he was then, I understand. Sweet memories. I wish he was still with us – I […]
Sex
For the first half century or so of a man’s life after puberty – or at least my life, it often seemed that everything was about sex. Wonderful. Demanding. Challenging. Perfect. Not Perfect. And so on. Then came prostate surgery. Then came age. And nothing is as it was. Not lost. Different.
Moving On
This is humbling. I do not have cancer. My energy is returned. I went for a run and I was not tired. I wonder how much of my tiredness before was related to low iron and how much to fear. Anyhow this old boat seems to be a good metaphor for me/my life – I […]
I Am Cancer
I apologize for my absence. I have been tired for several months, I have been afraid and I have been denying that I am afraid. For a long time, I said to myself that I was only afraid of screwing up the process of posting. And while it is true that I do not enjoy […]
Stay
It has taken me most of a lifetime to realize that I usually try to avoid feeling pain – by getting busy, by starting something new, by thinking of another time – by doing anything except feeling. At some point in my life I had decided that when I was feeling uncomfortable I could deal […]
Morning Counts
Not everything about my cancer was sad or scary. I still had to get up in the morning and do things. It seemed sort of funny, in a way, that while I was worried about treating my cancer, impotence and incontinence, I still had to go to the can, brush my teeth, clean the house, […]
Doctor
If I had it to do over, I would be much more assertive and much less trusting. I didn’t ask my surgeon how successful he had been, what his strengths were, his failures, and so forth. If I had it to do over, I would use all the strategies I know how to use when […]
Decide
Every professional I saw tried their best. My surgeon recommended a prostatectomy, my radiologist recommended radiation, my counselor didn’t recommend any specific course, but said that watchful waiting would be a possibility. In the end, with a Gleason score of 8 (high), I choose surgery. Following surgery a biopsy was done which indicated my score […]
Poison
Poison. Betrayal. Despair. When I wrote this poem, I was flailing about. It seemed so unjust that my body, and in particular, that part of my body which had, throughout my life, brought unimaginable physical and spiritual pleasure, would now possibly be the source of my death. If you find this poem and my thoughts […]
Fear
I have had what seems to me to be an odd experience with fear as I went through the stages of diagnosis, treatment and recovery. Odd in that I did not actually feel afraid. I knew that my cancer could kill me, but I didn’t go into it. Instead, I put a lot of energy […]
Ripped Out: Finding Words to Get Through Prostate Cancer
Beginning with my diagnosis 2006, I began to write everyday about what was happening to me and how I was reacting. Eventually, I transposed my daily journal writings into a book called Ripped Out: One Man’s Journey Surviving Prostate Cancer. Writing everyday saved me from despair. Pulling those writings into a book was one of […]
